Self-love necessary for planet's survival

Yesterday, I had a long phone call with someone I love on the phone. Someone with whom I had enjoyed a deep connection with 20-30 years ago but then life placed us in different countries. Not only we couldn’t stay in touch, we also became disconnected emotionally. We each felt that the other person was not making time for us. And perhaps there was a truth to that each of us had indeed gotten preoccupied with our jobs, families or other engagements which felt meaningful and maybe even all-consuming at different times.

As our phone call unfolded, each of us was able to talk about these things that made us unavailable or created a perception in other person’s mind that we were not available for each other. The most crucial and bittersweet realization was that both of us felt that we were not lovable enough. Not lovable as we were. That we were either fundamentally flawed or that we hadn’t become famous/rich/awakened enough to belong to each other. So we accepted the lack of ongoing connection as a confirmation or a proof of our unlovability.

This person wasn’t calling me, we imagine, because they think we are just not worthy of their time. As a meditation teacher, I have heard other versions of this inner story: This person is trying to change my dressing sense because I look very shabby right now and am therefore unlovable. This person seems to wish me well but they always ask me take jobs that will help me make more money. Therefore, I am not enough as I am. I am not lovable. I need to become a different and improved version of myself to be lovable and gain the attention of others. I need to lose weight, I need a thinner thigh, darker tan or whiter skin color, more stylish clothes, more expensive car, bigger house ….You get it?

Here is where lies the fundamental impact of our inner shame and inadequacy on our economy, politics, wars and climate crisis. People with inner sense of inadequacy, lack or shame will have trouble rebelling against the systems that kill others in our names. When I feel so unlovable inside of me and when I need a bigger or more expensive car to prove our worth to others, I can not tell the car manufacturers that the car industry is a leading cause of climate crisis. Climate crisis that causes historic rainfall in Dubai — Middle East which doesn’t ever get that kind of rain. Which causes fires and floods.

When you meditate, I ask you to sit in quietness till you access your inner story. This usually requires long retreats. Access your inner layers of shame and inadequacy and then be the most loving friend you can be for your inner self loathing. Because that friendship will decide the course of humanity at this critical juncture of human life when polycrisis is raging on and on!

If you benefit from Kanko’s teachings, please consider honoring her time and energy by offering dana (donation). To access her full length articles, podcasts and interviews, please visit this page. To get detailed information about drop-in meditation sessions or residential retreats led by Kanko, please subscribe to her monthly newsletter.